What's in Your Rearview Mirror?
I pulled away before the sun came up this past week Tuesday. It has been months since traveling anywhere, like many of you.
It was hard to pull away. I had a difficult time packing the car for the 2-3 weeks I would be gone. I had grown into Covid Comforts. Both of my kids are at home, 17 and 24 years old. We have developed our routines of work, eat, workout, and netflix binge. Our world had become small and safe in a world that has not felt that small or that safe. Normally I am an adventurer, pre-covid travels were bi-monthly minimally, all around the world and the US. My existence was traveling before we all sheltered in place for the past few months.
Have you ever played a game of tag?
You run around, someone is “It” and you tag someone and they become “It” or they lose the game until everyone has finally been caught. Usually there is a tree or a doorstep that you can run to and touch or stand on in order to be safe and off limits to be “tagged”. Covid Comforts have done that for us, given us a place to tag to, a safety zone, a place to catch our breath. What I have been hearing from people in my life is this:
I kind of like Covid, I feel more relaxed and less pressure to be somewhere, or to do some things that used to make me feel uncomfortable.
or this:
I have hardly left my home in the past two weeks and frankly, I love it. I feel un-rushed and out of overwhelm.
And, yes. For me it has been comfortable. The day before I left for the open road, I was walking my dog through the park and feeling really torn up about going. On the one hand, I knew I needed to get away, for work and for pleasure, and, on the other hand, staying home would be pleasurable too, comfy pleasure.
With a fully packed car of all my favorite things, comforts from home, I pulled away. And, the miles between me and my safety zone got bigger, a slow relaxation moved down my body. I felt myself relax into the seat for the 15+ hour drive to New York, and I had this feeling of adventure and freedom that I have not felt since spending March in Maui, the period of time of pre-covid breakdown of our lives. And this freedom felt like a different version of home, this is me. The open road, the adventure, the outside of my comfort zone.
Freedom is ME, and I am FREEDOM
Comfort Zones
They are great.
And, they keep us living in the same spot. There is no growth. No new learning.
In comfort zones, there are no new experiences, no corners of the world to explore, there are no new people to meet.
This is a piece of blue sky between the trees I would not have seen had I stayed in bed last week and not gone on a business retreat with other women. I would have seen only the ceiling in my room above my bed and the same four walls.
Comfort zones allow us to catch our breath, but once I have my breath caught, I want it to be taken away again. Looking up to this took my breath away and changed me. I got clarity in this moment around my business that I would not have gotten had I stayed home.
There are times I wish I could be the woman that happily stays home. It looks somewhat easier, predictable, less complicated. But it also feels very taming for me. Living in a box of cultural expectations for women, for mothers. This is not me. And, I honor those women who it is for them, there is no judgment here in these lines I am sharing. There have been times I was in domesticated bliss raising my kids, but the itch for adventure has always been there.
There was a moment in time on this trip, as I left Cleveland and was almost to Buffalo, New York, where I caught a glimpse in my rearview mirror, the sky was on fire with the setting sun. It was lit up. And, a smile spread across my face, my shoulders relaxed despite driving all day and only making a few gas and bathroom stops, and I knew why I took myself out of complete comfort, car packed with journals, books, my crystals and singing bowl, my comfort clothes and a few things thrown in last minute. I took this trip outside of my comfort zone to find community in my work, to build new perspectives on myself turning 50 this year and to finish my novel without distractions in my life. The setting sun took my breath away in an amazing way. I like breathless moments now and then.
What is in your rearview mirror? Are you leaving behind some comforts in your life that keep you staying the same? If you got up and got out, what would you see in your rearview mirror and would it take your breath away in a good way? I hope so, life is for living in greater joy. I want that for me and for all of you.
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Christie Bemis, Comfort Zone Busting Woman
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Christie is a psychotherapist in private practice in Madison, Wisconsin. She is a mama, a wife, a writer, and an artist. Visit www.hotpinkyou.com for more information. Email at hotpinkyou@gmail.com
She is also a writer, co-authoring Ignite Your Life and a speaker. You can find her 6 week course, Ignite Your Life: a self-guided program, to reignite your self-love. Co-Founder and CEO of Hot Pink YOUniversity