50 and Fabulous
This is it! The week I turn 50.
And yes, I am very proud. Proud to have made it to 50 and beyond, proud of the challenges I have overcome, proud of the life I am living. Authentic as F*ck!
For my birthday, I have a gift for each of you. My personal list that I have been creating for quite some time on 50 Things I Know For Sure.
This moment is this moment. And deserves your full attention, right now. This conversation, this laugh, this present moment is worth it.
Spirituality-sexuality-creativity. All need a part in the orchestra of life. Each one fuels the other and each one needs the other. When one is unbalanced the other two are as well. Find the balance and treat each of them as just as important as the others.
Love wins. I see it all the time. I have been graced with the presence of Nelba Márquez-Greene, founder of the Ana Grace Project. I was honored to pick her up from the airport for her keynote presentation at a state conference and hear the passion in her voice. When her daughter was shot and killed in the Sandy Hook Shooting, she found a way through and her LOVE WINS slogan is a sign of that.
Look for a partner, not a project. In relationships we can get turned on by the “fix” and to be the “one” to turn him or her around. A partner meets you emotionally, energetically, erotically and more.
It is not up to another person to heal you, only you have the power to heal you. That said, you don’t have to go it alone. Reach out and ask for the help and support you need. And know the answer is within.
Pain pushes, until vision pulls. It is the pain that motivates us to make the changes that need to be made. But then, the vision becomes clear and beautiful and attracts you to keep moving forward.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We can extend, exaggerate, make worse our pain, or we can move through it and heal. The only way is through.
You aren’t just looking be a “catch” in life, to be a checkmark in their list of wants; you are looking to be a match, to touch their soul. To be a “catch” is ego driven, to be a “match” has no words, checkmarks or labels.
Do what brings you joy. And know the difference between JOY and Happiness. Joy is not connected to a set of circumstances, but exists amidst all. It is an internal reservoir that you can tap into always.
My body knows best. If I connect with my body I can source my Inner Knowing, where all my answers wait and I create my own sense of safety, regardless and in spite of, what is happening around me.
My home is where I ground myself=the world is where I play. Like in a game of tag, I need to catch my breath at and not be running around. But, the real fun is when I am grounded and resume play in life.
Abundance is EVERYWHERE, not just in my bank account, it is in relationships, wins and feelings of joy.
We have children, we raise children and then we let go. The letting go is so hard. It means giving them freedom of choice to be who they are meant to be. I am always reminded of Kalil Gibran’s prose on Children and sung so beautifully by Sweet Honey on the Rock . You can house their bodies but not their souls…letting go is so very hard and so very important.
We live a life not a relationship. And sometimes that means making difficult choices for our own good and the good of another.
We live a life not a career. I hope you have created a career you love like I do. Make Mondays feel good again. But, even then, it is just a career, one piece of the whole of who you are.
We have to curate our own experiences, no one is going to serve them up to us. What do you want and what can you do to make that happen?
Pleasure is your birthright. Your body was built to give and to receive pleasure
Pleasure is first. It is not last on your to do list or saved as a reward when you do everything…it needs to exist on the top of your to do list. Eat dessert first.
Midlife can be a reawakening, of claiming the life you may have set out for in your 20s, but maybe got detoured along the way,. The detour may have even been lovely while it lasted, I know mine were. The experiences you create now may just be the dream you put on hold.
Midlife= I could give a fuck
Life gets you or you get it ~Ann Soe. We all, at this point, have gone through some serious shit-that rocks us to our core-Learn, Grow, Grieve and move your life towards joy again, and again, and again.
Don’t let anyone dim, dumb or doubt you down. ~Ann Soe Live in your brilliance, know your worth.
People can have opinions, but those are not facts ~my mom. Live from your Inner Knowing and not some inexperienced judgment of another.
Sometimes you need to dismantle it all, implode, disrupt your life-in order to get what is next and headed your way.
Question “normal”. It is most likely made up anyway. It is highly improbable. It is not what you expected and it is not everything it promises to be. Normal is relative to the observer and honestly, highly overrated.
Cultivate the people who cultivate you right back, the rest are just weeds that need to be pulled and given a good toss.
Sometimes you need to leave what you have in order to find what you want.
Immediate gratification is just that. It is immediate, NOW. It is gratifying in the moment. But what about the slow build, the anticipation and the longing, the yearning. That shit can feed you for days, weeks, months and more.
Be a human BE-ing and not a human DO-ing. Being at peace and not always doing can lead to some incredible new ideas and can be healing.
Love is love is love. That is it. We try to intellectualize it. Judge it. Repress it. Shame it. When it is not in the form we have been conditioned that this is THE right way, THE only way, to love someone or to be in love. When you embrace the feeling of love in all its forms and expressions, it is a full bodied, out of your head experience and it is beautiful
Know your body. I mean really know her. Know how she works, what she likes, what feels good and what she desires. Take her for a drive regularly, she changes. And, yes, I mean Solo Sex her. If you know her, then you can navigate her in the arms of a partner much, much better.
Be Authentic AS FUCK. The equation I have been taught by the great Kenneth Play, as co-created with his content creation partner Dr. Zhana, is the alignment of Desires+Values+Behavior = Authentic as Fuck. When you can achieve this, great things happen.
Woman, you are evolutionary. This is not Ground Hog’s Day, repeating over and over and over. Everyday is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to play and evolve into that which is your greatest good. Women are not stuck in some place, relationship or time…you need to trust that you are exactly where you need to be in this moment learning what you need to learn.
Show Up. Be YOU. Even if the other person is not. I show up in the way that I want to love someone, whether that is my partner, my kids, the woman in line at the store. When we show up in love and grounded-ness with another person, we dictate how we feel about the relationship. We decide how to love them.
These are really the days of the Queenager years. You old enough to know better, but still ready to play. And the play is deep and rich and yummy, because you now have your crown…a symbol of wisdom and reverence for all that has come before this.
We are in urgent need to shift the paradigm around masculine and feminine. We are both. Our masculine side comes out when we need it, our feminine side is there to flow and receive. Both can dance and play together.
Do you have the ability to see things from multiple perspectives? At this point in life it is critical to your thinking. The ability to slow your reactions, the ability to take in a perspective that might be different than your own.
Emotional intelligence is a thing. The work I have personally done on my own emotions, and I am still learning, have made all the difference in feeling good about myself, knowing what I want and what I need and communicating that out into the world.
Be open. To more, to new experiences, to perspectives that differ from you own.
Diversify your life. If all of your closest friends look like you, think like you, act like you, you will continue to live in a bubble of being right, sourcing your knowing from ego and not questioning anything you think or do. When you call in diversity through relationships, experiences, travel and opening yourself to love in all its forms.
Learn how to emotionally regulate. Do you know your green, yellow and red zones emotionally? Do you know what you need to do to shift or intervene in your emotions? Such an important skill to have in life.
Comfort zones are for busting. Every time I edge myself out of comfort and into just enough discomfort, I am growing, amazing myself and living full on.
Know what you need. Ask for what you need. No one can read your mind. If you don’t ask, it will always be no.
Lead with curiosity in your life. Assumptions are generally wrong, limited at best. When we can get curious with ourselves and others, there is power in that.
Check in with yourself at the start of each day. I place one hand on my heart and one on my belly or vulva and ask these questions each and every morning: What do I want to feel? Be? Do? and Have today? Pamela Madsen teaches the Lotus Lift Meditation and asks these three questions: Who am I? What do I want? What is getting in the way?
Create a weekly ritual to reset your life. A day of rest and reflection, even if it is just for one hour.
Find your voice. Speak your truth. These are cliché phrases, but hold so much power. When I have found my voice in meetings, in relationships, in my own self talk, I find an inner power reserve and I get my needs met.
How you talk to yourself is so important. What you say to yourself needs to be filled with love, patience, encouragement, excitement and above all, compassion. Speak to self as you speak to someone you love. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. Make it a good one.
Surround yourself with incredible people that build you up. As I sit and finish this blog writing on the morning of my 50th, messages of love come in from all over the world as well as right next to me in my own home. My son brings me a bouquet of roses and a breakfast sandwich, my daughter brings me words of love and snuggles in bed, and a warm cup of coffee. I am loved. I am loved really, really well. In all my love languages: physical, verbal, quality time, acts of service and gifts…I am loved, because I give it well, I expect it well, I receive it well. This has been a 10 year endeavor of living my life ignited and with great intentionality of who I let in and what I tolerate or don’t tolerate. Because I know my worth.
Live Your Life Based on YOUR Own Set of Expectations
The next years are really going to be my best years, follow along for the ride,
Yours in love, sparkles and gratitude,
Christie Bemis
You deserve a deeper dive in life. Join me for 6 months and really Ignite Your Life with Mastery
Christie is a psychotherapist in private practice in Madison, Wisconsin. She is a mama, a wife, a writer, and an artist. Visit www.hotpinkyou.com for more information. Email at hotpinkyou@gmail.com
She is also a writer, co-authoring Ignite Your Life and a speaker. You can find her 6 week course, Ignite Your Life: a self-guided program, to reignite your self-love. Co-Founder and CEO of Hot Pink YOUniversity